The One Where Jack Throws A Brick

Written by Leo Chiaet

Jack walked through the automatic doors with a hazy look and glazed eyes. It was 3 am, but due to his self-destructive habits and the copious amount of weed and alcohol in his system, Jack has somehow convinced himself that he needed choco-mint chip ice cream immediately.

He wandered the store in a drift, taking his sweet damn time. And then he saw his treasure. Choco-mint chip ice cream. Jack staggered and drunkenly opened the freezer, but as soon as he did, a sneaky, wretched gray hand twisted after the exact carton and snatched it out of Jack’s sight.

Jack turned his eyes as fast as he could, only in time to see a shadowy figure whisk off with his beloved choco-mint chip ice cream just around the corner. Never mind the fact that there were still several other cartons left.

Jack desperately hungry and infuriated, tried to yell loudly, yet only managed to grumble and mumble incoherently, much like a man hopped on weed, alcohol, and manhood might do. He ran, then fell, and puked just a little, then got up and ran again after the figure. Again, only seeing the abductor as he just managed to walk out of sight. This time through the automatic doors, with his beloved trapped in a plastic bag that said “Have a nice day.” Jack was certainly not having a nice day. But he would have a vengeful night.

“Have a nice night, sir,” the attendant said to him as he strode past.

“I won’t!” Jack yelled as he tripped himself against the automatic doors and onto the floor. You see, Jack was too eager to get through the doors, and his foot kicked the door as it opened making him lose balance and fall again.

But he got up, like the hero he was, and ran after the mysterious abductor.

Jack spotted the man. More like a skeleton, shrouded in darkness, in the middle of the parking lot. He was standing there triumphantly, as if waiting for Jack.

“Hello Jack,” the figure’s raspy voice broke through the silence of 3 am. “Looking for something?” The figure held up his hostage. “You see, I am Thomas Dank, dark overlord, and I have come to challenge you!”

Jack dislodged a chunk of brick from the Walmart and threw it at Thomas, shattering the skull of the dark overlord, ridding him of life and all his dark powers. But, the brick also crushed his carton of beloved Choco-mint, crushing and splattering the contents onto the pavement.

Jack had lost all purpose, and submitted himself, like any hero of old would, to licking the Choco-mint from the hard, unforgiving parking lot ground.


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